Longing

Because I want God to exist doesn’t mean that he does. Because I want him to know me and to accept me also doesn’t mean that he will.  Once I made the conscious decision to follow Christ, I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if he would actually be there, and if I would fall away if he was.                           

                                                                      

I have always been interested in the truth. I mean the real truth, the basis for everything. When I think back to my little girl days, I feel like I was already that person, asking the wide blue sky, “Well, what are we doing here?”  I wanted to know what life was about. I was never all that interested in how things were the way they were, as much as why. 

 

I am extremely grateful that I went to Sunday school just a handful of times in my childhood, and that in those few visits, I learned some of the most important things in my life. The things I learned would literally carry me through my later teen years. They put boundaries around me. They told me some things I needed to know.

The random times I was in Sunday school, I learned three stories that I would never forget.  They were about the birth of Jesus, the woman caught in adultery, and the resurrection. I guess I learned about Palm Sunday, too. So, I was aware of Jesus from this time on.  

When I learned about the birth of Christ, it was tremendously special to me. I was a kid, maybe 7 or 8, but even then, Santa Claus was not truly satisfying. There was something not right about that whole thing...the greed, the gluttony...

On a very real level I was sparked to amazement and deep joy at finding out what Christmas was actually about! The angels coming to the shepherds in the field; Jesus, the Son of God, being born in a stable, the star, the wisemen. It made Christmas so meaningful to me, even though I didn't know the rest of the story. Even as a child I knew it was significant, wonderfully significant.  

I still remember that feeling, when I look up at the stars at night. Especially on a cold winter’s night. Looking up at the stars puts a lot of things into perspective.

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—
    the moon and the stars you set in place—
 what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
    human beings that you should care for them?—Psalm 8:3-4