Ron and I have been married 40 years now. At 30 years I wrote a blog entitled "10 Ways to Help a Marriage," so I just re-read, well, most of it. Disclaimer: Don't bother reading it.
I've heard people say that you should journal so later you can look back and see how far you've come. I rarely journal, but occasionally, usually at the end of my rope, I will. I've run across these old entries, from maybe 5 or 10 years previous, and the vast majority of the time it has been pretty excruciating.
Because. Usually. I. Am. Still. Struggling. With. The. Very. Same. Stupid. Issues.
Primarily I have made little or absolutely no progress with whatever the thing is. Like stuffing my feelings with food, being a bossy and controlling shrew, being hyper- and/or hypocritical, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
And it's not because I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I know exactly how to avoid these pitfalls. But I don't. Basically because, deep down, I'm kind of a jerk. This may come as a shock to some, but I assure you it's accurate. I mean, I don't want to be a jerk, but then again, sometimes I do.
Don't worry, I'm getting to my point.
The surprising thing that happened to me fairly recently was that I ran across one of those old journal entries--"blah, blah, blah, I'm struggling with blah, blah, blah..." which I still struggle with. And this is what was different:
I had compassion for my younger self.
I was like, "Yeah, it's okay, you're probably going to fight that one til you die. Don't beat yourself up too much. It's actually pretty common."
WHAT?? I was NICE to me!
So, I guess there could be, occasionally, a burst of progress, a glimmer of hope, or maybe we just get old and tired, I mean wiser.
Anyway, I no longer have any advice about marriage. Other than, I thank God for my husband and the survival of our marriage against all odds.
No comments:
Post a Comment