Victory in Jesus

A couple of years ago my hair started falling out--by the hundreds each day. The doctor thought I still had plenty of hair and wasn't concerned, but it was quite distressing to me.  God understands this, as the Bible states that a woman's hair is her glory. (1 Cor. 11:15)  Having several friends a bit older than me,  from their experience I had an idea what might be the cause, and asked to have my iron levels tested.

A nurse shared the results over the phone, "The normal scale for ferritin is 10 to 232.  Yours is 10, so you're in the normal range." 
"Did you say 10 to 32?" I asked. 
"No, 10 to 232." 
"And you think 10 is good...Um, do you think it would be okay if I took some iron supplements?" 
"Sure. It wouldn't hurt."

I went online and found out that anything below 70 can cause hair loss.  Thankful for the ability to just go to the drugstore and buy some iron pills, I did. After approximately 8 weeks, my hair loss had subsided to a normal level.  Thank goodness. 

Well, for years I also suffered from another kind of deficiency--spiritual anemia. Like hair loss, it was a serious problem to me. But I had been told (even by myself) several times to just relax--to be content in that "normal range" of Christianity and not to get so worked up.  But my soul would not rest.  It got to be torturous at night, thinking about eternity and how I was not living up to my inheritance.  There was no escape. I almost feared losing my mind.

But deep down I knew what it was.  I'd been on the fence for so long, living a watered-down version of  faith.  Unable to shake off the sin that kept me from God, I cowered inside knowing my constant disobedience.  I did all the Christian stuff--went to church, read the Bible, prayed, had fellowship, and tried to obey God--but couldn't.  Unable to choose God over a stupid bowl of ice cream, or yelling at Ron, or being bitter and envious of others; I wanted to be different, but didn't know how.  Sometimes I even doubted my salvation.  The Christianity described in the Bible was not my experience.  There was no fruit.

Recently a lot has changed. I can't exactly spell out how it happened, but I have been transformed by the Holy Spirit. Probably it started with the heat of conviction, being driven by God to seek Him--in truth.  It was no longer enough to want what He could do for me.  I needed Him.  And He answered that prayer. 


After months of battle, the time finally came to get off God's throne and start obeying His commands.  But I still couldn't do it.  Just then someone came along who took the time to listen and to show me that I needed to put the focus on God, instead of on me.  Having known the need to die to self, I now saw that it was also necessary to allow God to raise me up, and that this step must be taken by faith--in Him. I now had to swallow that pill of truth, which is to say, humility. 

Christ is King, and I am not. Amazingly, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I have been able to walk increasingly in obedience.  He has broken the chains of some difficult sins. Not saying I'm perfect--far from it.  But I am at peace--no longer double-minded.  Knowing the reality of the Holy Spirit living in me promises a much greater glory than a nice head of hair:  "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."--1 Pet. 3:4  
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