It's been an interesting year. Things have not gone the way I had hoped, but much better. We were intending to move, but didn't. My walk with the Lord has been rejuvenated. It took some sitting still. There is something to Jer. 29:13--"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I had a plan--something I really wanted. But my desire for what God wants has finally grown to where it took a stand. Amazingly, I stuck my toe in the water of obedience which for me was, simply, to wait.
I have become weary of forcing my will. Though God has been merciful, there are real consequences for my foolish stubbornness. There is also something to Acts 26:14--"...it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks."
Recently I confessed to a friend that I have not been a good wife. I have been critical, controlling, and crabby. I didn't want to be this way, but like many other sinful habits I found it hard to escape. She recommended I fast against this stronghold. I've been having some problematic issues with fasting lately, so we decided that a week long fast off "treats" might do as a substitute. It went really well. This friend is actually a mentor and she has steered me right many times.
One of the things she has taught me that has helped immensely is to spend time praising God. I had known the formula "ACTS" for prayer time (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) but had kind of struggled with the "A" part. My friend told me that she would put on worship music and praise God that way. I really don't care for most "contemporary Christian" music, so I kind of thought that wouldn't work well for me...but what I do like are hymns. One morning I decided to take my hymnal off the piano and began to sing some of the lyrics in praise to the Lord. I cannot begin to express how this began a WAY closer walk with God than I have ever had before.
Psalm 100:4 says, "Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name." I have felt this verse come alive, as though praise is actually a key with which to enter into his courts. It has been for me, time and time again, whether I feel like it or not. I "just do it" and am blessed.
Very recently I have begun considering being resurrected with Christ. Before, I was so busy trying to "put to death" the "old" and not even thinking toward the "new." Always looking at my sinfulness and forgetting to look up at Christ. These are central verses to me now:
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.--Gal. 2:20
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.--2 Cor. 5:17
...for we walk by faith, not by sight.--2 Cor. 5:7
They all speak of living, being, walking...not sitting on a fence.
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