Hello. I hear things are still not going well for you. I am sad about that. I know others who are going through the same thing. If only you can hang on, I believe that things will get better. Sometimes you have to slog through life and it is so bad, and so hard, and it feels like it will never change. What you cannot see yet is that it will change. You have to hold on to hope.
Have you ever heard this: "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." The darkness is not all there is. There is light, you just aren't seeing it clearly right now. You must not let yourself close out the light anymore. You have to gain some footing. It is up to you. You have to fight.
I am talking to you as a fellow sufferer of depression. I have battled with it most of my life, and I battle with it still, but I will not let it take me down. I am going to share with you some practical weapons you have against depression. They may sound trite. I would tend to be one to overlook such simple-minded stuff. But I have learned that no matter how smart I am, my brain, in some ways, is a broken instrument. I have had to humble myself to listen to the advice of others who have gone before me.
Here is my advice: Really try these things. Ponder them also, but mainly, do them.
1. Make your bed. Boy, does that make no sense. Do it anyway. (Advanced: Wear something decent, and not what you wore yesterday.)
2. Put your shoes on. If you have a family rule against wearing shoes in the house, please ask for/make an exception. It is important.
3. Eat normal, healthy, regular meals. You know what that means.
4. Get outside. Look up at the sky, when it's not gray. When the sky is gray, it is a great opportunity to see more clearly everything else. Look for beauty, things that make you happy. Like maybe a flower growing through a crack in the sidewalk, or a squirrel. Birds make me happy. Listen to sounds around you. Breathe deeply. Feel the air on your face.
5. Do the next right thing. In each moment, there are decisions to make. Do not choose to do what will keep you down. Choose to do what you know is right. It can be the simplest things, like just walking the dog instead of ignoring him, or cleaning up dishes instead of leaving them. Step by step is how we learn to live a better way.
6. Help others. Maybe that means seeking something out, like volunteering, or visiting people who are lonely. Maybe it means doing some housework or yard work for someone else.
7. Live one day at a time. For me, this means one minute at a time. I can do nothing about the past and have no control over the future. This is extremely important for me. I need to be present. I can deal with this exact moment that I'm in. I can cope with it. Just this one moment, none of the horrible stuff I imagine is happening. I am just here, now.
Maybe you already know all this stuff. But if any of it is new, or if you've forgotten about it, please try it. Pretty much all of it is the opposite of what I feel like doing. This is the point. My brain is a broken instrument. I need to listen to others, and just do what I need to do. Otherwise I go down into the pit. I'll admit, sometimes I want to. But listen, self-pity is a trap. I am not accusing you of self-pity. I know that what you are going through is real. But I say to myself, for my own survival, do not fall into that trap. And when I do, I need to get out right now.
Please remember how much you are loved. And when you go to bed each night (at a decent hour, so you can get up early and put on your shoes) think about all the good things you did that day. No matter how small, think about them, and be thankful.
