I wish to say something, but feel like a baby bird. I cannot speak, but only cry out in little peeps--I need...need...need...
I feel like a small child in my heart. I am disoriented, lost, undone.
My dad is gone. The shock of it, several times each day, hits me like a wave, even after six months.
More thoughts than I can number have come through me since this happened. He was the biggest part of me, I think. Even more so now, I think. Time seems to stand still. The leaves are falling but to me it is still spring.
I truly believed he would always be here. That he would never really leave. He had beaten death so many times over the years. On some level I thought he was immortal.
My world has become an empty thing. Even if I did not show him my achievements, I could have. And now I can't. So I don't care about them anymore. They are meaningless.
I had my dad for a very long time, and did not appreciate the opportunity. This is the guilt I feel.
My grief is interrupted. I feel that I do not deserve it, that I have not earned the right.
I am so very, very sad.
He would not like me being this way. But I love him so much and I just can't help it.
