Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Just Happy to Be Here

I love my blog. It's so nice, when at the end of my rope, there's a place to unwind and let my thoughts out. It is also a bit of a discipline, to get things aired without disclosing too much (it being public), and also just to try to fit vague ideas into words at all.

I am a stiff-necked woman. In the Bible God refers to the rebellious Jews as being "stiff-necked." My neck is seriously messed up, physically. It crackles and pops and gets stuck, and sometimes I think the Lord may be pointing out my spiritual condition with this discomfort.

I also love to play piano. I am finally reading "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain," at the suggestion of my artist son. In it the author discusses the aspect of being totally absorbed in what you're doing. Like when you're behind the wheel, thinking about all kinds of things, and you suddenly realize you don't remember driving for the past several miles. That is how playing piano can be sometimes too.

As I was practicing the other day, an unusual thought came to me. I think it was underscored in my Bible/prayer time, though I don't remember the words. What occurred to me at the piano was the proposition that, perhaps, I was unteachable. This was a shocking bit of news. I have always regarded myself as one who seeks out mentors and teachers, a collector of wisdom and advice...but maybe it has been only on my terms...

I have been struggling quite a bit with some relationships in my life (like everyone else, I guess). But the hard one is with a child of mine. I am always wanting him to change. I am always thinking of him as being unteachable. The idea appeared in my mind...that maybe...I was the one who needed to learn the lesson. And that somehow, (this may not be correct) if I were to become teachable, then so would he.

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